found : 21Quotations
Quotations by Author : [ Woody Allen]  

Showing results from 9337 total quotations found.



Pages 1

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
~ Woody Allen | (American director, actor and comedian. ) | 1935-? | Death
quotes Division : Humorists and Comedians   
     
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.
~ Woody Allen | (American director, actor and comedian. ) | 1935-? | Death
quotes Division : Humorists and Comedians   
     
I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
~ Woody Allen | (American director, actor and comedian. ) | 1935-? | Death
quotes Division : Humorists and Comedians   
     
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
~ Woody Allen | (American director, actor and comedian. ) | 1935-? | Success
quotes Division : Humorists and Comedians   
     
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one consider that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.
~ Woody Allen | (American director, actor and comedian. ) | 1935-? | Crime
quotes Division : Humorists and Comedians   
     
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
~ Woody Allen | (American director, actor and comedian. ) | 1935-? | Money
quotes Division : Humorists and Comedians   
     
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
~ Woody Allen | (American director, actor and comedian. ) | 1935-? | Love
quotes Division : Humorists and Comedians   
     
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
~ Woody Allen | (American director, actor and comedian. ) | 1935-? | Love
quotes Division : Humorists and Comedians   
     
Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
~ Woody Allen | (American director, actor and comedian. ) | 1935-? | Life
quotes Division : Humorists and Comedians   
     
Marriage is the death of hope.
~ Woody Allen | (American director, actor and comedian. ) | 1935-? | Marriage
quotes Division : Humorists and Comedians   
     
The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep..
~ Woody Allen | (American director, actor and comedian. ) | 1935-? | Marriage
quotes Division : Humorists and Comedians   
     
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
~ Woody Allen | (American director, actor and comedian. ) | 1935-? | Metaphysics
quotes Division : Humorists and Comedians   
     
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing ''Embraceable You'' in spats.
~ Woody Allen | (American director, actor and comedian. ) | 1935-? | Animals
quotes Division : Humorists and Comedians   
     
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
~ Woody Allen | (American director, actor and comedian. ) | 1935-? | Comedy
quotes Division : Humorists and Comedians   
     
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
~ Woody Allen | (American director, actor and comedian. ) | 1935-? | Comedy
quotes Division : Humorists and Comedians   
     
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
~ Woody Allen | (American director, actor and comedian. ) | 1935-? | Sex
quotes Division : Humorists and Comedians   
     
A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
~ Woody Allen | (American director, actor and comedian. ) | 1935-? | Sex
quotes Division : Humorists and Comedians   
     
The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.
~ Woody Allen | (American director, actor and comedian. ) | 1935-? | Sex
quotes Division : Humorists and Comedians   
     
Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman.
~ Woody Allen | (American director, actor and comedian. ) | 1935-? | Sex
quotes Division : Humorists and Comedians   
     
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead.
~ Woody Allen | (American director, actor and comedian. ) | 1935-? | Food
quotes Division : Humorists and Comedians   
     
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
~ Woody Allen | (American director, actor and comedian. ) | 1935-? | Dreams
quotes Division : Humorists and Comedians   
     

Pages 1